Not to Me, But for Her
by MinnamoKimochi
Summary: The definition of Epiphany: A sudden realization, a moment of enlightenment. Kagome has an epiphany of her own when InuYasha leaves once again to see Kikyou.


Not to Me, But for Her

By: MinnamoKimochi

One-Shot

Summary: The definition of Epiphany: A sudden realization, a moment of enlightenment. Kagome has an epiphany of her own when InuYasha leaves once again to see Kikyou.

Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi. (In other words, Roses are red, violets are blue; me no own, so you no sue!)

(Kagome's POV)

He wouldn't meet my eyes.

He went to see her again.

Why?

I ran out of the clearing and away from the campsite. Miroku and Sango yelled for me to come back. I refused. I would not go back until he came for me. My heart was beating wildly, and tears were falling from my eyes faster than I could wipe them away. I came to a small clearing, its beauty not lost on my broken heart, no, it only served to break it more. My eyes scanned the trees in the silence. The peaceful, no, deafening silence. My knees shook and my heart began to slow it horrible racing; its terrible strangling of my soul. I knew it would happen, I knew it did happen, so why not allow my heart to deny it a little longer? Why not allow it to cease its terrible breaking and place it into blissful ignorance once more? Why not thrust all my cares into the sights and smells of the earth and nature before me? Why not give the rocks and trees and stars my love? They would appreciate it no more than he would. They would not see the value in a single tear shed for their sake. They may be living things, but with emotions- No! They would not take pity upon this wounded soul. They would continue their silent and emotionless guard upon- what? What would emotionless beings be guarding against? What would a flower with no love for another being be keeping safe? Itself? Protection against predation? Why? It lived only to support a colony of bees or a hungry deer looking for a small meal or snack on its way to whatever destination it had in its small mind. Everything had a purpose, but for what? A blade of grass was to die to feed a hungry deer, it was to die to feed a hungry wolf, which was in turn to die because a human needed a meal. Must everything with a purpose have the purpose of dying to satisfy the wants and needs of other beings? Must everything in this world die once? Can one thing not be used for two purposes at once?

I looked up at the stars, tears no longer begging to fall from my eyes. I had a sudden revelation! Why can't I have even a single purpose? Does he not need me? If he does, it is for the jewel shards, but what other reason to stay here- no- what other purpose is there for me to be in this era, this fragment of time itself? Can I have two purposes? Three? Four? Can one thing serve to more than one ultimate end? Can one being strike the lives of more than one other being, or strike in two ways the same being? It can! Perhaps he does care for me! I know he does now! The concern he has in his eyes when I am hurt, the way he handles me with greater care than he would any other proves it! He cares for me a little, so why would he do this to me?

I shouted at the clearing, at the emotionless beings around me, at all the things that would ultimately serve no end upon this massive orb of the earth.

"Why does he do this to me!"

I could hear it then, the pain in my voice, and the sounds of my sobs echoing through the forest, only to return to my ears after striking another unfeeling thing. Why would he leave me alone to go to her? Does he want to break my heart? No- he doesn't. He feels guilt when he returns from seeing her. He does not meet my eyes because he knows I am hurt, but he can't do anything about it. I am in his heart, at least a little. I have a small part. It may not be the size that Kikyou has, but it is a piece I did not believe I had before. I came upon a realization. A life-altering epiphany that made me shout Aha! So loud that it hurt even my ears. I finally understood.

He does nothing to me, but for her. He does not try to break my heart; he tries to keep hers from breaking. He doesn't leave me and forget me; he goes to and remembers her! How selfish I was for thinking that he wanted to hurt me! How selfish I was for being angry when all he was trying to do was help her! Suddenly the moon and stars were not unfeeling, and the trees comforted me as I still wept for my selfishness. Wept for the part of his heart that was not mine. I am human. I was still hurt, but knowing now, more so realizing now, that he still cared made the whole world seem like a brighter place! This deep, dark depression that compressed my heart within darkness for so long had receded to a mere shadow in the corner of my heart. He cared for me! And I love him.

I turned away from the clearing and returned to the campsite. InuYasha was still awake and was staring into the flames. He looked at me briefly, but hung his head in shame. I really was hurting him by my selfishness. Well, I had made a decision. I accepted that InuYasha was still in love with Kikyou and that he did care a little about me. My purpose was to not only protect the Shikon Notama, but to protect his battered heart as well. I walked over to my backpack and took out some ramen. I began to boil the water over the fire. It was almost funny how he kept looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I could not help but smile at him, but when I tried to meet his eyes, he turned away. He was ashamed of himself, but he shouldn't be. I poured the water over the ramen and stirred. When it was done, I went over and kneeled beside him. He still wouldn't look at me.

"InuYasha, would you like some ramen?" I asked.

He continued to stare at the ground. I had had enough. He was not going to be ashamed because he had gone to see her! He would not feel guilty because of what my selfishness had caused him. I reached over with my right hand and took his chin in it. I remember the stunned look on his face when I jerked his eyes to meet mine. I had never forced him to look at me before, nor had I ever touched him forcefully. His eyes finally met mine and I smiled at him. I think it took a few minutes for him to understand that I was not angry, nor was I sad. He took the ramen from my hands and smiled back at me. I am sure now that he was hungry, because he had skipped dinner to go see Kikyou.

That was the last time that he ever left me to go see her, even though I told him that he could. He refused to leave me. Now, when I begin resenting him for ever hurting me like he did before, I simply have to stop and think.

Not to me.

But for her.

A/N: So what did you think? Read and review! Edgar Allen Poe always inspires me, and as you all know, I was reading his work again! My mom got me the complete stories of Edgar Allen Poe for Christmas, and you all know what that means! Zombie like voice Must. Go. Read. R&R and Happy Holidays!


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